Alive
by fssquiggles
Summary: The sky looks like a dark hole and everything feels incredibly strange, incredibly loud. He looks like James, he feels like James, but his eyes are all wrong. "How about we play a little game, darling?" They go through universe after universe, always ending up together, always dying together. She smiles sadly, "It's fitting, isn't it?" A series of Alternate Universes. Jily. AU.
1. Darkness

**Title:** Darkholes pt.1  
**Author:** fssquiggles  
**Theme/Prompt:** au, darkness  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing because I am not J.K. Rowling unfortunately.  
**Notes:** I've decided on making a series of AUs but I'm not entirely sure how many. None of them will be connected most likely...Enjoy! :)

* * *

"We are _definitely_ not in Surrey anymore." His voice echoes through the dark halls, rebounding and falling through chilly darkness.

Lily blinks several times and finds herself staring at a pure, limitless night sky. But it isn't the kind of sky she is familiar with. There is something unnerving about it, something completely _wrong._

She pulls herself to her feet and looks at the untidy haired boy before her. Last she remembered, she had been in the hospital wing trying to ignore him (or avoid him, either one worked). "Please tell me this is some kind of prank of yours, Potter." The way this place seemed to throw her words back at her was unsettling; her whisper sounded like a scream.

He shakes his head, "I would have to be a bloody wizard to do _this_, Evans."

She looks around, trying to identify her surroundings. The sky looks like a dark hole (she's half afraid it would try to suck her in). Walls cascade all around her, blending into the shadows above, resembling a sort of endless corridor. They can only go forward or backward, but nowhere else.

She tries to process everything. She can't.

"Well, I reckon we should get going." He gazes at her with steady hazel eyes, with outstretched fingers.

She just stares.

He sighs and shoves his hand through his hair in that frustrating way of his. She frowns at her fluttering heart.

Rustling. _Hissing_. Her head snaps upwards, instinctively and painfully. Slits cut through the darkness, white and blinding. Like snake eyes.

No, they _are_ snake eyes.

_Run, mudblood, run. _The world reverberates and laughter, terrible, _haunting_ laughter, tears at her eardrums.

Her brain screams for her to run, to get the bloody hell _away_, but her legs won't respond. She can't make her body move. She's shouting at herself, at whatever the hell is happening.

Shouts, screams, claws raking at her face and arms. Her senses are screeching at her, ripping her to shreds.

Until everything, the sensory overload, the feeling of fear exploding from her very pores, just _stops_.

_Everything just stops_.

The world is silent, heartbreakingly so.

"Potter?" She turns on her heels, searching franticly, ignoring the physical pain. Something bites into her hands. She stares at the square frames she is clutching, the broken glass slicing her palm.

Oh my god.

She drops it.

It clatters to the floor, into the grass. Grass. She belatedly realizes that she is now standing in a cathedral, colored glass filtering emerald green light, grass sprouting through the cracks, shadows and weeds claiming the place as their own, slabs of stone laying at intervals (She shivers because it reminds her eerily of a cemetery).

For a second, she wonders if she has gone mad.

"I believe those are mine." A familiar voice calls. She can practically hear the smirk in his voice. She can practically taste the relief.

She crosses her arms, "Not when you just disappear like that, you arse. You deserve to walk around blind."

He laughs and she meets his eyes and she realizes that this is not the boy who asked her to dinner every day at fifteen and then realized he should get to know her first. This is not the boy she had hated and now fancies. This is not James.

His eyes are all wrong.

"Who are you?" She glares, afraid to be afraid.

"James Potter." The smirk is unsettling. It sends shivers down her spine.

"No, you're not. Quit lying or I'll—"

He is suddenly standing before her, barely an inch of air between them. She gasps because of his speed, because he doesn't just look like James, he _feels_ like him. "Or you'll _what_?"

She shoves him away. "Or I'll kill you."

He touches her hair, pulling on a lock of stark red, "You can't bring death to the realm of Death Eaters, love." The term of endearment drips from his mouth like honey.

She takes a deep breath, reminding herself that _this isn't James, goddammit_. "Tell me where he is!" she demands, swatting his hand away.

He smiles, as if he can hear every thought going through her head. "How about we play a little game, darling?"

"_No._"

There is a flurry of noise and something _cold_ touches her calves, breathes against her. She closes her eyes, willing herself to show no fear, to not scream.

"Since you're so clever, I propose we play a little game. You might try to find your boyfriend, poppet. He's waiting for you." He grips her chin tightly and she can't help but open her eyes.

James's hazel eyes are gone. There is nothing left but deep, bottomless pits of black.

She struggles against his grip, but he won't release her.

Instead, he leans forward, his lips (_James's_ lips) against her ear, "The Dark Lord does not like mudbloods, no matter how _pretty_."

She can hear multiple voices snickering all around her. He lets her go, and she can't stop shaking.

His cold words echo violently within the cathedral-cemetery.

"I suggest you run, now."

* * *

**to be continued!**

**a/n: well after I write a few other AUs. If you guys have any AU prompts, send it my way please. I plan on doing possibly 50 at most.**

**Yeah. I hope this wasn't too weird.**

**Reviews are making my back to school on tuesday feel much better.**


	2. Assassins

**Title:** Rogue**  
Author: **fssquiggles**  
Theme/Prompt: **au, assassins  
**Disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling. But I might be a dalek.  
**Notes: **inspiration via the tv show Nikita shhhhhh, also not connected to the previous one.

* * *

"Shit. Someone's interfering with the cameras." You look up from your discussion with an intelligence agent.

"And here I thought your system was foolproof, Moony," Your partner snickers, and you can't help but roll your eyes.

"Shut up, Sirius."

A voice crackles in your ear, faint as a feather, and you can feel everything tense. Something is terribly wrong. "McKinnon? Are you alright?"

Her voice is barely there and you grimace at the obvious pain in it. "I—it's…it's her…"

You narrow your eyes in confusion, although you have a feeling you know exactly who 'her' is. You signal Remus to broadcast the transmission. Just in case. "Her? Who are you talking about, Marley?"

You find yourself hanging on to every ragged breath Marlene gives you. You find yourself growing restless and you hope that the 'her' is not who you think it is.

"It's _Lily_."

Your heart twists and bends and bursts and you can't breathe. You can't do anything but watch.

You watch the entire control room burst into a flurry of movement. You watch as every screen in the room cuts to a single security camera, a single angle, a single redheaded woman. She smirks through the screen, directly at them, directly at you.

"Miss me, Potter?" You hate the way she says your name, with more fire and ice then you could ever manage. You hate Peter's concerned glances. You hate the furious anger in Sirius's eyes. You hate seeing Remus visibly flinch at the sight of her.

"Evans," You say, with as much indifference as you can muster. "I see you've come back from the grave."

She grins. "So you _did_ miss me."

"Three years is a long time, Evans." Peter touches your shoulder and you nod once. You watch Peter leave the room, briefcase in hand, and you realize that you've sealed her fate. You turn away and tell her the truth. "A lot can change."

"You're right." The grin falls away. "That's why you're going to call off the operation and reinforcements right now."

"I can't do that."

She purses her lips and drags a ragged Marlene McKinnon into view. You can hear the murmurs around you, but you don't look away. She holds her gun to Marlene's temple. "You can't or you _won't_?"

You hear Sirius let out a string of expletives. "I don't get it Evans. You finally got away. Why the hell would you come back?"

"For the same reason you went back to your family, Sirius."

You wonder how she even knew about that. You watch Sirius clench his fists in anger. "_You—_"

You shake your head. Stormy, gray eyes meet yours and you are fully aware of the fact that he might decide to take his anger out on you instead. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and as you watch his eyes lose its fury, you wonder if you are watching his soul die. You wonder if this is what he saw when he looked at you, three years ago.

She is tapping her foot impatiently and you roll your eyes. Just like old times, a small voice whispers. "You won't do it."

_Click._ "Try me, Potter."

"She's your best friend. You won'tdo it."

You're completely sure she is bluffing. You _know_ she is bluffing.

"She _was_ my best friend. As you can recall, my best friend is a traitor." She sounds just as bitter and angry as she had been three years ago.

"Then maybe you can join him. That is, if you haven't already."

She pushes a curtain of hair out of her face and scoffs, "Do you really think I would slip _so low_ as to work with Death Eaters? They took Severus and they hurt Mary_._ I only work for myself, Potter."

You cross your arms. Does she think you're an idiot? "I don't believe you."

"I don't care." She straightens her back and stares. "I want you to order Remus to call Peter off _now_." You hear Remus's typing slow significantly.

"No."

She growls in frustration. "For God's sakes, Potter. Do you realize what kind of mission this is? Riddle wants Marlene to assassinate the ambassador. Please tell me you see _something_ wrong with all this."

You ignore the fact that she has voiced every thought that had gone through your head the moment you were assigned to this operation. She wants revenge. You can't trust her.

"It's for the good of the country, Lily."

You see her eyes widen before she drops her gaze down to Marlene. She glances up once more, a dark look in her eyes, and she moves her lips. You don't catch her words. You don't catch anything except the bang of a gun, the sight of her pulling the trigger. The piercing screams cut through the control room, silencing everything and everyone. You grit your teeth as you watch Marlene lay there clutching her leg. You stare at the blood, as red as her hair.

You clasp the counter because she actually did it. She actually shot Marlene.

You realize that _you don't know her anymore_

"_Prongs._" Sirius hisses, harshly, snapping you out of your reverie.

She gazes directly into the security camera, directly at you, her jaw set and her eyes challenging. "I've been trained to be a government_ killer_ since eleven, too, Potter. Now, call off the mission or I shoot her other leg."

"Is _this_ what _Lord_ _Voldemort_ ordered you to do?" _Where_ the bloody hell is Peter?

She lowers her gun a fraction of an inch. "You're acting as if you actually know who Voldemort is."

"It's Albus Dumbledore, of course." You've read every file a million times. Of course you know who Voldemort is.

She laughs, loud and sad and entirely too bitter for a girl of eighteen. "Your boss has been feeding you some very false information, love. Maybe you should do some anagrams during your free time."

You frown, ignoring her tone, her chilling contempt. "You still blame me, don't you?"

"I don't blame you, James, I _pity_ you." Her words make you angry. She points her gun directly at you, "I only blame Riddle." _Click._ You don't know her. "She'll be at our first mission." A loud bang and white noise replaces her image and it takes you a minute to unclench your fists.

"Padfoo—"

"I'm on it," he cuts you off and marches out of the room.

"All systems are back online." Remus intercedes. You stare at the monitors, at every nook and cranny of the building. Wormtail's entire squad had been taken down, either injured or dead, you're not entirely sure. You sigh in relief when you see Peter sit up in a daze, battered but otherwise okay.

You drag your hand through your hair. It's shaking and you can't be sure whether it's in anger or because of something else entirely. You go with the former.

"Send in a retrieval squad and some Cleaners for the dead ones."

Remus stops typing and you know he's worried. He never stops typing. "What are _you _going to do, James?"

You smirk because you don't know what else to do.

"I think it's about time Riddle knows about our rogue agent."

* * *

**a/n: no I'm not obsessed with Nikita what are you talking about**

**reviews are a full package support group for your Amy and Rory feels**


	3. Moon

**Title:** Off to see the moon and stars

**Pairings/Characters:** James Potter, Lily Evans

**Theme/Prompt:** Moon

**A/N:** inspired by apollo 13 (but they don't make it home in this one which is making me cry ok) and lily's dream to be the first female astronaut to go to the moon...

* * *

The mission started out perfectly. She kissed him goodbye, off to make history, and he cheered along with the rest of world, trying not to be bitter that he couldn't go with them.

And then everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. The pipes, the oxygen, the power, _everything_.

Now, he's standing outside the command room, his brain reeling over trying to find some kind of solution. But it's too late. All he can do is stand there, waiting and waiting and _waiting_ to say goodbye to his fiancé.

"It's your turn, Prongs." Sirius engulfs him in a hug as soon as he steps out of the command room, while Remus and Peter continue to apologize over and over and over and over again for everything. His head hurts.

The first thing he notices when he steps into the empty command room is that she isn't crying.

A small part of him wishes she would. Maybe then he can cry, too.

She's watching him. Her emerald eyes blown up to moon size proportions on the screen and her smile over exaggerated. Seeing her face makes him so fucking elated and it hurts.

She opens her mouth to speak, but he cuts her off.

"You aren't supposed to be up there alone." His voice echoes and it makes him realize just how empty he feels.

"The crew is still here, James. I'm not alone." She reassures him, her voice crackling softly from the static. She's trying to make him feel better. She's thousands of miles away from where he is, she's _leaving_, yet she continues to try and comfort him. He wants to punch something.

"_You aren't supposed to be up there alone!_" He repeats, louder, angrier. He's punching things, breaking things, and he can't stop. "I…you…" He's sobbing now. Painful, shattering sobs, and he can't breathe. He's breaking in half and he can't even see her through the curtain of tears. He wishes they would stop, so he can see her until the very last second. He wishes.

"I love you, you know." She tells him, interrupting him. "I love you more than anything and I'm glad, James. I'm glad you're not up here, too. I'm glad that you're safe, even if that means I'm not." She's smiling again, and he can see the potential breakdown looming just beyond the edge.

"I _should_ be up there with you. All of you. I trained for it." His voice cracks, and he punches the desk again and again. "I had the fucking measles for _two days_. I should have…I would have…this _wasn't supposed to happen, Lily_. You're not supposed to be alone. You're not supposed to be _stuck up there_."

She just lets him cry. She lets him kick and scream and break everything he touches. He can feel her gaze on him, her eyes gradually growing shinier and her smile growing tighter.

"Those are probably really important." She points out after a long while.

"Nothing is important anymore."

She makes a face. "I never pegged you to be such a dramatic, Potter." He laughs, half because he knows she wants him to and half because he _needs_ to, but it quickly turns into a heaving sob.

"It hurts to think about you all alone up there." He stares at her, ignoring the tears streaming down his face.

"And it hurts to think of you all alone down there. But we're here now. Together. There's just a screen between us, that's all." She laughs her tinkling laugh and _fuck_, he loves her so, _so_ much.

He doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to think about the seconds, minutes, days, _years_ ahead of him. After everything he knows will happen sooner or later, he doesn't want to think.

"What's it like up there?" He decides to ask after a moment. He knows she has always wanted to be the first female to reach the moon. She glances behind her and he can see the wonder and awe in her eyes, in every plane of her face.

"It's beautiful, James. I may not be on the moon but it's everything I've ever imagined and more." She smiles, sadly, "It's fitting, isn't it? The last thing I'll ever see is the first thing I've ever dreamt of."

She looks away, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand and he can't let her go. He can't.

"I love you." He wants to say it over and over and over and over and _over_ again.

She reaches behind her and pulls out a little yellow capsule. She holds on to it like a lifeline. "They want us to take these…so it'll be quicker." He wants to say 'I know' because he knows. _He knows._ But he thinks she needs this. "Frank and Benjy both agreed to wait a little longer. They want to see a little more, you know. Enjoy the view. Memorize the stars."

He wipes his face of tears, "I'm going to miss you, Lily."

"I know. Don't worry, okay?" She reached out towards him, her fingers visibly shaking and her voice hitching. "Next time I see you I'll tell you about this." She grins and twirls her hands indicating everything around her. "I'll tell you about the stars."

Remus pokes his head into the command room, apologies dripping from his every movement as he tells James that he needs to finish up. The world is waiting. And it hits him, how little time they have left.

He manages to keep the tears at bay. "I love you so, so much, Lily Evans. I always will."

"You may be a total idiot at times, but I love you, too, James Potter." She hesitates and he can see her struggle with her emotions. "Promise me you'll be okay."

"I can't." She glares at him, and he smiles. "But I'll try. For you." She nods in satisfaction.

"I'm scared." She whispers, a moment later.

"I know. Me, too."

"But I'm ready, I think." She has her arms wrapped around herself. "Live a good life for me, James. I'm counting on you." The silence is deafening, the faint static serene.

"I've got to go now, Lily." He smiles, but it feels as if his heart is about to burst. "The president is waiting for you." She laughs quietly.

"Bye, James. I love you."

"I love you, too."

And he doesn't want to think about how this is the last time he'll ever say that to her. He doesn't want to think.

They meet a mere three years after the screen goes black, when he signs up for the next mission. She's there in the stars, in the moon, in the craters. She's closer than ever and he's happy again. When he steps onto the moon, _her moon_, he can finally let her go.

When he departs and heads home, he leaves his pain and sadness behind, billions and billions of miles away from him and billions and billions of miles closer to her.

He can start anew.

It takes another seventeen years for them to finally reunite. She shouts at him for coming back to her too early, but it quickly morphs into a fit of laughter that soon dissolves into tears.

She tells him all about the stars and he tells her all about the moon.

They're together again.

* * *

**A/N: reviews are holy shit jily death anniversary this month crying pls no**

**x**


	4. angel

**title:** it's too cold for angels to fly  
**theme/prompt:** angel, super au  
**summary:** "Mum always said angels were real. I never believed her." In which Lily Evans is an angel and angels aren't supposed to fall in love. She's supposed to go back, he's trying to let her go. How dare he?  
**notes:** I don't know where this came from oh my god i am so sorry. title/inspired by the a team by ed sheeran

* * *

Lily's freezing. She frowns a little; she's never been this cold before.

"Where are you really from?"

She looks up at the untidy-haired boy before her, his glasses as crooked as his smile. She wants to wrap him in her arms and fly him back to heaven with her. Her frown deepens. She's never wanted to do that before. She's never really _wanted_ anything before. "I'm from heaven." She realizes.

"A bit full of yourself there aren't you Evans?" She's known him long enough to know when he's hiding his confusion behind his words.

She's shivering and the newness of it nearly takes her breath away. She's never been this cold before. He's looking at her with a kind of reverence she isn't prepared for. She feels like she's breaking apart.

It takes her exactly thirteen seconds to realize that she is in fact breaking.

Her vessel is tearing from its seams; she can feel the heat of light and the chill of earth all at once. She's forgotten what this was like. Her fingertips are tingling and her back is cracking, rolling.

"...Lily?"

"I'm sorry, James. I...I have to go." She turns on her heels and runs. She remembers everything now, and she hates it. She is the servant of heaven, she always was, she just never knew. She wasn't supposed to fall in love, she now remembers her kind didn't partake in such things. She isn't supposed to have these _human_ _feelings_; she isn't supposed to _care_.

Hands clutch her wrist. She frowns at him. She can see that the light tearing from her skin is burning him, but he doesn't relent. Her other side respects him for that; her human side hates him for that.

He takes a deep breath and ruffles his hair in that infuriating way of his, "Mum always said angels were real. I never believed her."

She knows why, too. She knows he chooses to believe that angels and gods and heaven never existed. It's easier for him to believe there is no god, rather than know there is a god who sees everything but does not care enough to intervene. She shakes her head and he blinks, blinded.

"It makes sense, though. That _the_ Lily Evans is an actual angel."

"Your guardian," She whispers. Her voice sounds different, it's ringing and golden.

He blinks and blinks and blinks, until a tiny smirk plays across his lips. And then he leans forward and _kisses her_ like he's wanted to do this for sososo long. It's feverish in its warmth and she's bursting with a kind of joy she's never really had in either of her lives. She thinks she's burning him because it's happening: she's going back.

_She's going back._

She pushes him away and he's staring at her with this _look_ like she's his moon and stars and heaven (it's quite ironic, really). Her wings feel heavy on her back, like she's carrying the weight of the world between her shoulder blades.

He smiles at her sadly, "Go on, Lily, go home. I'll be fine."

He's letting her go.

How dare he?

She glares at the gates beyond the clouds and reaches behind her. They are feather soft and she remembers the first time she flew, the first time she was assigned a job. She remembers so she won't forget. She can't forget. But it still feels like another life, another her. So she pulls at her wings and it hurts, hurts so, so much. Her body is shaking and crashing and she thinks her spine is splitting in two.

She knows the very second she is free. The sky thunders and the white of her wings are dripping with her blood, gold turned to black, angel turned to devil. She is fallen now. They will sing songs of her betrayal; they will paint her memory with evil. She doesn't care.

She turns to him and holds her glare, "You awful git. Did you really think I'd just _leave you_?"

"You just...did you just rip off your wings?" He's spluttering, like he's gone mad.

"I did."

"You could have gone home, Lily."

"I'm already home, James."

He smiles, holding out his hand, "Good." The sky rumbles once more and he frowns, "Do you think they'll try to punish us with lightning bolts or something?"

She takes his hand, shrugging, "Maybe. Just keep your sinning to a minimum, Potter."

He winks suggestively, "I'm afraid I can't make such promises, Evans.

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**a/n: i'm literally did this instead of doing my nails and getting ready for prom i hope you like it! 33**

**reviews are qt boys with rolled up sleeves and loose ties and disheveled hair**


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